Revision (part eleventy-billion)

I think I've reached that stage in revision. You know, that one. The plateau stage. I've gotten to the point where I sort-of know everything, vaguely. Most of it isn't in any great detail, and I couldn't tell you much unless I was under exam conditions (I do better with the adrenaline rush). But when I open my notes, I know it. When it's in front of me.

Consequently, I'm familiar with what I'm reading. I've already re-written it, made notes on it at least once. I've recorded it on tape. It's old news to me now. Every now and again, I come across something new (today... population genetics), but it's finding the new information in an ever-shrinking pool of available notes that gets harder every time. And consequently, there is a greater temptation to procrastinate.

The Boy Wonder has gone back to school, and the hound misses him. He got all worked up when the brother started getting his stuff together, hoping he was going for a walk (it's raining, and he won't want to go... but every time he gets excited) and now he's lurking in his bed, looking mournful. I enjoyed having BW over this weekend. He's good company, most of the time... when he wants to be.

And I'll Fight Like Hell, To Hide That I'm Giving Up

Yawning
I must stay awake
I scribble words, scrawl nonsense, inscribe the dregs of my mind that should be concentrating on futile cycles.
The is futile.
Resistance is futile.
The futility of waking, sleeping, concentrating.
The antisense approach, reaching understanding backwards through a mire of confusion.


No, I have no idea where that was going. I think I fell asleep while writing it. The power of a boring lecturer.

I'm tired of being fucked around. I know he doesn't do it on purpose, he doesn't intend to upset me - apparently trying to be pleasant about it means I'm not upset; I'm not allowed to be upset after the event, and furthermore we're not going to argue about it because he doesn't want to piss me off. Well, I'm already pissed off, and I'm not in the mood to get pissed off enough so that I end up apologising for being pissed off because I get so goddamned angry.

So instead, I'm going to give up.